American society is rife with dissatisfaction. We’re force-fed the idea that we can never have enough. Lip-glossed supermodels mindlessly scroll Instagram in exotic locations. Statuesque fitness gurus search for the next fat-burning supplement. Blonde surfer bros chase the next big wave in Nazaré or the North Shore. Living in this chaotic color wheel of insatiable appetite, we forget that the answer to our problems is right in front of us.

Changing your life–in the context of American society–typically means getting Peloton bikes for Christmas, accepting Jesus Christ as your savior, or scoring your dream job though strategy and serendipity. We have been so blinded by the Vegas lights of capitalism that we can’t see anything but our own eternal slot machines. And so we keep pulling that lever, hoping that this will be the time that we become happy.

There’s another definition of “changing your life” no one talks about. It hides in front of you, a chameleonic doorway to another universe that eternally exists, if only you could realize it. This doorway doesn’t require world-shaking experiences like meeting your soulmate in a greasy spoon diner, talking over black coffee until sunrise. In fact, it’s the polar opposite.

Accept everything in your life, right now, exactly as it is.

Buddhism asks that we get in touch with reality. To do so, I find myself coming back to a specific question over and over again: What would the sky do?

When you tell your problem to the clouds, there is no response. The sky practices a radically different philosophy than how humans live. Clouds simply shrug, say “Okay,” and continue toward the horizon with an unchanged rate of progress. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I’ve discovered nearly all my spiritual beliefs from cloud-watching. Having my head in the clouds keeps me grounded.

If you reacted to your problems the way the sky reacts to yours, what would you gain?

Accepting doesn’t mean resigning; you can still accept that you dislike the turmoil in yourself or your environment and work to change it. Acknowledging there are tough pills to swallow in life makes them more digestible. The problem lies in the unnecessary layer of suffering we overlay on top of all our problems. We don’t want things to be the way that they are. So we fight reality, and consequently drain our energy.

Paradoxically, changing nothing at all is a three step process.

1. Think of a problem you continually come back to, day after day, without coming to an answer. Which problem keeps you from enjoying the beachside sunset smeared across the holy horizontal canvas? What thought takes you out of the moment and into a time not rooted in the present? When do your friends snap their fingers in front of your face and ask if you heard what they just said?
2. Once you have that problem, feel it completely. Don’t run from the pain. Let it over your heart’s doorstep and greet it like an old friend. Give it coffee and a biscuit. Offer it your favorite easy chair. Don’t push the feeling away. However the feeling manifests, feel that sensation in your body. Is it icy? Hot? Tingly? Is it in your arms? Chest? Legs? Feel it–and accept that you feel it.
3. Stop fighting it. Stop wishing that it weren’t so. Give yourself the relief you crave. We spend so much time running away from reality that we can never stop long enough to touch its true essence. Say to yourself, “This is happening and I completely accept it.” Accept any thoughts that come up. Don’t fight them. Imagine yourself as a cloud listening to a person tell you their problem. How many times have you seen a cloud get angry? Clouds don’t even try to control the wind and the sun. All you can do as the cloud is to say “Okay” and continue on your way.

To stop fighting is to start living. As the poet Rilke once said: “Sein Wachstum ist: Der Tiefbesiegte, Von immer Größerem zu sein.”

This is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively, by constantly greater beings.

With unwavering acceptance, a funny thing happens: the world becomes a little more manageable. Your visual field sharpens in focus. Colors become brighter. You notice patterns in the way the rain runs down your window. You come back from the narcotic dream of what could be. You become present.

The concept of radical acceptance in your current situation allows you the clarity to examine what to do next. Practice acceptance followed by action. Once you do that, you can make changes to your life. If you don’t know where to start, accept that you don’t know and start there.

This practice doesn’t stop once you accept your problems. Once you begin to make changes to your life, radically accept the result of those choices. Be unattached to any outcome.

Cultivate a single glittering piece of internal tranquility. I’ve found meditation to be a very effective strategy to do so. When the chaos of the world rains down on you, you’ll remain unshaken, no matter what happens. Having this space in your mindgarden doesn’t mean you won’t feel pain. But it does mean you’ll have space to observe those clouds in your consciousness as they drift into the eternal horizon.