An acquaintance frustrates me. When people talk, he shoots looks around the room that say, “Can you believe what this idiot is saying?” He acts like he’s better than everyone else. He doesn’t make people feel psychologically safe. How can living mindfully help?

Dealing with difficult people is simple: if you knew his past, your heart would surge with compassion. But you don’t have to know what he went through to be loving. Instead, create a past in order to accept him as he is. Perhaps this person never felt truly loved and created an overinflated self-image to compensate. Feel this person’s imaginary pain in detail. What does it feel like to grow up in chaos without any sense of your value? I’m only frustrated with him because I didn’t see his journey.

I don’t know how deep his care for others goes. If he and I were in a car crash, I have no doubt he’d pull my unconscious body from the sizzling metal. This imaginary acts doesn’t have to happen for me to feel more love for someone. The thought alone brings me closer to compassion–and the person.

He searches for affirmation, second after second. He’s alone on an island, digging for treasure in vain. It’s exhausting to find self-love in others. It’s a pattern deserving of compassion. The world run at too fast a speed to be anything other than kind to people around us.

I hope he’s happy, that his friends shower him with love, that his corner of the universe is kind and healing. People deserve love, no matter how much they might frustrate those around them. It’s a basic human right to feel valued.

It’s not his fault that life dealt him a hand that he didn’t know how to play. It’s easy for me to jump to conclusions, but everyone is looking for love, connection, warmth. I don’t see his story–I see the result. Who am I to wish someone doesn’t find peace?

Honor a difficult person’s history–however nonexistent. Be compassionate, because the odds are they really need it.